Things between Chennai auto drivers and I, are complicated. We maintain a symbiotic relationship - I use their driving services to get to places in lieu of safe public transport and the auto drivers try to skin as many rupees off me as possible. I am not saying Chennai auto drivers only try to skim as much as possible off my humble person: no, auto drivers tend to maintain democratic standards - they attempt to fleece everyone equally. In the Lonely Planet's India country guide - Chennai auto drivers are affectionately described as sharks.
To be fair to these distinguished professionals - auto fares in Chennai are currently artificially low. The government has not allowed auto drivers to raise basic fares for many years, resulting in auto drivers negotiating fares in lieu of using their meters. Furthermore, recently petrol prices began to steadily increase as a result of the Indian government's removal of petrol subsidies, further reducing the auto drivers' profit margin. These circumstances lead to a unique challenge as a consumer of auto services - one must learn accurate fares for various destinations as quickly as possible. Failure to do so results in grossly overpaying and acquiring the reputation of a consumer that grossly overpays for auto services.
Over time my frenemy has developed an interesting business model of calculating fares. Each driver bases fares on answers to the following questions:
1. Does the potential passenger look like they come from Chennai? In my case, the driver assumes I am a tourist - the biggest prize to fleece. I do not blend in - making the case that I know fares and my way around this city - is particularly difficult.
2. Is he or she in a hurry? Showing stress, impatience, and fear will raise the fare accordingly.
3. Is it raining? Alternatively, is the potential passenger sweating profusely after spending a few minutes in the blazing sun? Fares fluctuate depending on the strength of the rain or heat/sun.
4. Does the passenger speak Tamil? Sadly, my Tamil skills melted into the haze, the only exception - I am can still give directions and bargain in Tamil.
5. Are there other autos around? Fares fluctuate according to the number of other auto drivers hanging around. However, if other drivers decide to help their buddy negotiate, the passenger loses ground quickly.
6. Is it after 10 PM? Fares at night arbitrarily rise. If there are no other auto drivers around, your bargaining power does not exist.
7. Is the passenger a regular customer? A passenger that engages an auto driver regularly, contributes to the auto driver's income regularly, thus creating a disincentive to fleece more than acceptable.
8. Does the passenger have change? Lack of change will result in very expensive auto rides as, inevitably, no auto driver is willing to part with his change - most claim not to have any change even as early in the morning as 7:15 AM.
I generally like the auto guys that hang out across the street. We agreed on prices to my yoga place and work. The drivers at the auto stand down the block from our house will usually give us really crappy deals, thus I stay away from that auto stand. I usually return from work during rush hour with many autos passing my office-building and tend to negotiate with moderate success. To avoid very expensive auto rides, I've began hoarding change, which makes my wallet really full - even though I am not carrying much cash in terms of absolute value. I've generally failed at negotiating rides that take place less regularly even if I need to go pretty close to my house. Every new route, even if the auto driver I am negotiating with knows me and takes me somewhere on a regular basis, turns into an epic battle of the wills. Since I am usually in a hurry and running late, I lose.
I've recently noticed that I have a much less sunny personality when negotiating fares, but a girl must do what a girl must do, to get from point A to point B.
In the great words of Ostap Bender of The Golden Calf by Ilf and Petrov:
"Автомобиль не роскошь, а средство передвижения" = "The auto is not a luxury but a means of transportation"
Since we are still waiting for our car - rumor has it we will get it soon - I live to fight...I mean negotiate, another day.
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